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Brewsker

London, travel & healthy living

Tag: Kisses

December 1, 2015November 30, 2015

All I Want for Christmas

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“THEY WON’T TELL YOU FAIRY TALES of how girls can be dangerous and still win. They will only tell you stories where girls are sweet and kind and reject all sin. I guess to them it’s a terrifying thought, a red riding hood who knew exactly what she was doing when she invited the wild in.” @nikita_gill

THIS ENSEMBLE is a bit Boy Scout yet I, a woman in her thirties, am feeling it, you guys. On a related topic (age, not costume) here’s a list of things that I have lived through:⁣ • Dial up internet⁣ • MSN Messenger⁣ • Tammy Girl, C&A and Woolworths ⁣ • Cassette tapes and minidiscs (remember?!)⁣ • Pedal pushers being trendy⁣ • Captain Planet / SuperTed / He-Man⁣ • Angel Delight as legit desert food⁣ • Having a yo-yo⁣ • Chomps and Space Raiders (both 10p) ⁣ • No social media ⁣ • SEXISM (although improved since a decade ago, I still find myself the subject of situations/comments/disadvantages where I think, would this have happened if I were a man?)⁣ • WHITE PRIVILEGE (also very current and important. Although I’m half Asian, it’s not immediately obvious to everyone, and I’ve certainly benefited from the implicit and systemic freedoms and advantages of being (looking) white, the flip-side of racism. It’s my responsibility to acknowledge that privilege, and use my voice to talk about it. Please understand the privilege you have if you are white, straight, male, or middle class. Often we don’t see it, because it has never been a barrier.)

THE LAST WEEK has been amazing in some ways (I turned 34, I caught up with so many of the people that I love, got flowers, danced hard, ate what I wanted) and difficult in other ways (I turned 34, @martincarkett brought me up to date on Brexit, sad family events, I’m missing travel, missing people). And I guess what I’m trying to say is that life is so beautiful precisely for this mix of the good and bad, the smooth and the rough, and I’m grateful to have made it 34 years and grateful for friends and family and people who care about me and for having people to miss with my whole heart.

THERE IS NO FEELING on the road that gives me the same comfort and joy as being in the home that I have put together out of all of the things that I love, a space I curated specifically for my own happiness and calm. I don’t know about you, but if I’m ever feeling down, or off-course, it helps to look around and find little pieces of comfort in the home I’ve created.

TRAVEL HAS BEEN MY GREATEST PASSION AND TEACHER, but I also have goals unrelated to travel. I want to explore the world but also have a cosy place to call home. I live for the rush of adventure, but also relish the challenge and reward of being good at my 9-5 job. I seek the unknown, but crave a sense of security and stability. My goal is to create a life that encompasses it all. Who knows if I’ll ever get there or exactly what that life will look like, but it’s what I work towards and what drives me forward. The last few years for me have been about understanding what makes me happy, what I’m working for/moving towards, and accepting that it doesn’t look like the conventional template for happiness that most of us were brought up on. One time, my mum asked me when I was going to ‘settle down’ and I asked her why that was even a valid question. The question should be, do you truly understand what makes your soul happy, and do you feel equipped to make the life choices that can take you there. Asking this question of yourself and of others is such a healthier way to assess where one is in life and to focus one’s time and energy on the right things. The most awful waste of time would be to chase someone else’s version of happiness.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN you throw a bunch of strangers from around the world together on a boat, make them swim to base camp each night, take bucket showers, sleep under the stars, give them karaoke, rum and a dog called Garlic? They become family. I’m missing my Tao family today.

I’M STILL PROCESSING the trip of a lifetime. I travel so much more meaningfully now than when I first started travelling in 2013. Back then I was traveling to party, to meet other people just like me (first world privileged kids who were also traveling to party). I saw travel as a holiday, an escape from real life. But I’ve since learned that travelling *is* real life. I travel to challenge myself, my fears, my values and ideals. I have met people who have broken me apart and healed me, I’ve launched myself into experiences that I would normally avoid out of fear. I’ve kept a calm and happy faith in my journey, that it would lead me home, not physically home to London, but home within myself, to a place of peace, contentment, of knowing that my heart is full, that I desire no more than I already have, and to keep my heart open for all the magic that life offers. My journey has kept me safe and it has certainly led me home, and I am so, so thankful for it.

“PEOPLE THINK A SOUL MATE IS YOUR PERFECT FIT, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. ⁣ ⁣ A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master.”⁣ ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

THE LAST THREE MONTHS have been an emotional rollercoaster. The number of times my heart has felt like it could burst with love and the happiness of living in the current moment, embracing everything that is beautiful about life and human connection, and then broken with the melancholy of leaving that happiness behind to start new somewhere else. The incredible people that have crossed my path and who have made this trip all about the journey and not the destination. The depth and spectrum of feeling and conversation and reflection. I feel completely charged with positivity and gratitude.

I’M AT THE TIPPING POINT. For me there comes a time when I’m travelling where I start to feel satiated with adventure, uncertainty, living on the road, out of a suitcase. The thing that I craved 3 months ago, the unknown, begins to wear so slightly thin. Instead, I find myself starting to crave familiarity, home comforts, family and friends, my own kitchen. I even look forward to the challenge and focus of work. This is when I know that it’s time to go home, that on my return I won’t be hating life because I’m no longer travelling, but that I’ll feel completely revived and happy and grateful for all the comforts and privileges that home has to offer. I’m ending on an absolutely massive high and will miss this like crazy, but London is finally calling 🇬🇧

NO PHOTOS can capture the exhilaration of riding with a squad that you love, hair in the wind, heart pumping euphoria and beaming ear to ear from the overwhelming sensation of adventure, freedom and happiness. And if ever there was an island made for it, it is Siargao. Using up every second of every day to explore this beautiful place.

ROAD TRIP HAPPINESS. Every now and then you find people of the best, most amazing and elevating energy, and have the luck and privilege to travel together for a time.

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